Why make-up sex may not be fixing anything

Experts say make-up sex lets some couples off the hook from having actual conversations. (Pexels: Ketut Subiyanto)

Do tensions between you and your partner often boil over into the bedroom?

Sex after a fight might feel intense, passionate and offer a release from heightened emotions.

But if there's little conversation happening about the argument, experts say make-up sex might not be helping you solve much.

Here's their advice on how to recognise if sex after a fight is becoming an unhealthy pattern and how use the moment to truly reconnect.

During conflict, cortisol and adrenaline can flood our bodies, bringing a sense of "emotional discomfort", says Armin Ariana, a sexologist and president of the Society of Australian Sexologists Queensland branch.

"But at the same time, it is tapping into a little activation of your desire department," Dr Ariana says.

"It's not necessarily giving you a readiness for sex, but it is bringing a little bit of arousal in.

Megan Luscombe, a relationship coach based in Boonwurrung/Mount Martha, on Victoria's Mornington Peninsula, says for some, sex can be a "release valve" after a fight.

"The nervous system is activated, you're both fully present," she says.

Experts say some people may be more wary of sex after a fight. (Pexels: Ron Lach)

"When the tension breaks there's an enormous amount of energy that needs somewhere to go."

However, clinical sexologist and relationship counsellor Tanya Koens says some people may be more wary of sex after a fight.

"They might feel like the boundaries have been crossed or they haven't been understood, which may not feel as safe or as exciting as it does for others."

She says as long as "the sex is not coerced, or somebody feels like they have to do it to keep the peace … then I don't think that it's wrong."

Ms Luscombe believes the term make-up sex needs a rebrand because it implies the fight is over or there was repair.

"What [usually] happens is the intensity peaked, [a couple] needed relief, and sex provided it," she says.

"Calling it make-up sex lets people off the hook from having the actual conversation.

"The thing you were fighting about is still sitting on the kitchen bench waiting for you on Tuesday morning."

Megan Luscombe believes the term make-up sex needs a rebrand. (Supplied: Megan Luscombe)

Dr Ariana recommends couples enjoy the closeness sex offers, but to come back to the conversation.

"If this becomes, 'we can do it and there's no harm done', do it," he says.

"But don't use it to avoid that kind of conversation that needs to happen.

Ms Koens says pe