The Knicks’ celebrity row is the hottest place to be. But who deserves it most?

To the neutral NBA fan, there’s nothing more insufferable than a happy Knicks fan. Knicks fans shouldn’t be happy, they should be crying and whining and furiously shaking their fists as Michael Jordan or Reggie Miller or Trae Young or Tyrese Haliburton rip the soul out of Madison Square Garden.

That’s how things have historically gone for the Knicks, and why cute things like “Bing bong!” have filled their fans’ social media feeds for years. They’ve been looking for something to hold on to, anything, after decades of irrelevance – until the arrival of their saviour, gritty point guard Jalen Brunson, in 2022.

But the natural order of things has shifted and New York’s Knickerbockers (they’re named after old-time undies) now find themselves one game up in the NBA Finals against the San Antonio Spurs – aka The World’s Team – led by French string bean (or should that be haricot) Victor Wembanyama.

It’s the team’s first appearance in the NBA Finals in 27 years, since the Patrick Ewing-led Knicks lost in five games to Tim Duncan’s Spurs in 1999. And, as they chase their first title in 53 years, New York has understandably lost its collective mind.

Tickets to the series have been described as “the most expensive in NBA history”, with nosebleed seats for Games 3 and 4 at Madison Square Garden starting at $US3700 ($5200) and courtside ones going for a mind-melting $US300,000 ($421,000). Even at those prices, the Knicks’ courtside celebrity row has become the hottest place to be seen, filled with more famous people than an Elton John party.

Suddenly, everyone wants to flamboyantly wave their Knicks-centric bona fides. But no one likes a bandwagon fan, and some celebrities are more deserving than others. Let’s rank them from blow-ins to diehards, shall we?

16: Jimmy FallonNot content with being late night’s most annoying host, Jimmy Fallon’s now taken his “I’m buzzed from decaf!” energy to the Garden floor. Which is interesting considering he famously dabbled with the crosstown Brooklyn Nets at the height of the Knicks’ post-Linsanity dysfunction. Get in the nosebleeds with Mamdani until you’ve earned your suffering, Fallon.

15: Anne HathawayYou’ve got to respect Anne Hathaway’s commitment to being part of the conversation (any conversation). Now that the Knicks are headline news, she’s out here repeating the same anecdote about her run-in with OG Anunoby to any outlet that will listen. We all know you were raised in New Jersey, Annie.

14: Jason Bateman and Jason SudeikisLook, it’s too many Jasons and I have no time for Jasons.

13: Mariska HargitayWhen not i